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Week 19 // Between Two Worlds

 

Portrait_Week19_2

 

It’s taken me quite longer than a week to finally create this image, but I am so thrilled to be sharing it today. The visual first popped into my mind a few weeks ago, when I was feeling a lot of resistance about this whole project. I felt really stuck, and really tired, and totally unmotivated. A big part of that was coming from the fact that, lately, I have been moving more and more into a new life the past few months. A life that my late-fiance is no longer in, and a part of my own journey in which I must begin to allow room for new people and new experiences that he is not sharing with me directly.

It’s beautiful to feel healed enough to begin to take the first steps into whatever my new life will be… making friends where I moved to, trying new hobbies I never imagined I’d try before, growing and changing more and more. I am surprising myself almost each day. It all feels really good, except that it is also a constant reminder of who I wish was by my side for it all. And even if – after two years – that fact is not as immediately excruciating as it once was, it still makes every normal thing in life incredibly exhausting. Because I can no long just make new friends, or try new things. Now, every single thing that is new in life must also pass through my grief. It must be examined from the viewpoint of who I was when he was alive and who I am becoming (which is still so up in the air!). All the new, wonderful, exciting things must somehow fit into this whole complex and intricate emotional world that already exists inside of me. I have no clue how I am doing it.

I think that every new phase or part of grief must be equally challenging in entirely different ways… because navigating this feels no easier or less tiring than navigating the first weeks and months after he died. It feels different. And challenging and scary in completely different ways. But it still leaves me right here… right at this image… tied between two worlds. Exhausted and spent, emotionally, mentally, physically. With each wave of new people and experiences, I am left trying to figure out how to balance it all into this one human being that I am. And at times it can feel like the pull of both my new life and my old life are too much to bear all at once. At times this project itself begins to get too heavy for me to bear, too. And so I give in to the exhaustion, floating, unsure of how to move next. Feeling like I haven’t the strength to move at all.

So that is why it’s taken so long to finish this image. Because I’ve been fighting even creating anything for weeks. And after struggling with that resistance long enough, I realized, it was the very struggle itself I need to talk about in my images right now. And that is when this visual jumped into my mind. I knew instantly what it should look like. Crazy how that happens, once you just surrender, or try to look at a situation differently, bam – there it is.

I’m sure others will find their own meaning for this image, which I always love – especially when you share those ideas with me (so please do!). For me, its about learning to become quiet even when I feel stuck or feel like fighting various parts of my grief journey… because in the stillness is where we will see what we need to. It is also about a yearning to find balance between different worlds… my new life and my old life. This earthly world, and the world that he now exists in. It is about feeling ungrounded, floating, and uncertain of the future… but still finding the strength to hold myself up in that uncertainty the best I can each day. I leave you with a close up below…     -Much love-

Portrait_Week19

Click to view larger.

If you’re new to this project, you can read more about it in this post. Or to see the full image gallery visit 2014 PROJECT. Please share with anyone who you feel can relate to the imagery, my hope is that it gives many others a visual for something they are going through in their own lives.

22 Comments Post a comment
  1. Melissa #

    This is an amazing, gripping image. Your skills with your words and your art is amazing! Thank you for being so transparent and sharing your heart. The black and white is especially powerful!

    Saturday, July 26, 2014
    • Thank you so much Melissa, I so appreciate your kindness and taking the time to leave a comment! Much love =)

      Saturday, July 26, 2014
  2. Your concepts are really amazing. The way you share your stories and life its really brave….:). Its good to know that you are coming out. All the best. See you soon. Have a happy Sunday..:)

    Saturday, July 26, 2014
  3. Donna #

    Wow Sarah. The first thing that came to mind when I saw this picture was the crucifixion of Christ. The way your arms are outstretched, feet crossed and head hanging down brought visions of Christ on the cross. He must have felt like he was being pulled between Jesus as man and Jesus as God….pulled between two worlds. His heart was literally broken open while we were figuratively heartbroken.

    Sunday, July 27, 2014
    • Wow, what a profound interpretation Donna – I’m so moved by this. Beautiful. Thank you for sharing

      Tuesday, July 29, 2014
  4. queenofkrafts #

    Wow! Very powerful image. I don’t know how you did it but you have captured it beautifully. I so look forward to your posts – totally mesmerising and inspiring, heart wrenching and full of love… thank you :-) x

    Sunday, July 27, 2014
  5. I’m continuing to follow your journey Sarah. This image and blog post tells so much, as ‘queenofkrafts’ said ‘heart wrenching and full of love’ all at the same time. Blessings as you continue to uncover more of who you are as you work through the grief. xo

    Monday, July 28, 2014
    • Suzanne, thank you dearly. Your support continues to mean so much to me!

      Tuesday, July 29, 2014
  6. I agree with some of the others who have left comments here. It is a gripping image and very much reminds me of Christ — hanging between His earthly being and His divine self. Great insight here. Such an interesting project you’ve taken on.

    Monday, July 28, 2014
    • Thank you Keahn, I so appreciate your kind words.

      Tuesday, July 29, 2014
  7. Debbi Lewis #

    Just beautiful and from the heart I too feel my hands are tied thankyou for sharing this beautiful image xxx

    Wednesday, July 30, 2014
    • Thank you so much for sharing Debbi – much love to you <3

      Friday, August 1, 2014
  8. Really stunning photo and powerful words….

    Friday, August 1, 2014
  9. Gorgeous, I see it taking up a large wall space :) It evokes both struggle & hope for me. Tied to the old, yet dipping into the new. The paradox of Life.

    Friday, August 1, 2014
  10. I have lived there.
    This is just beautiful. Love.

    Tuesday, August 5, 2014
  11. Once again I reeeeally reeeeally want to know how you got this image. I’m still waiting for the behind the scenes on the ice photo! :)

    Friday, August 29, 2014

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  1. Week 33 // Point of Return | 12 Months of Creativity

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