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Week 10 // The Mask

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Losing someone very dear changes you entirely. It must. And for a time, your identity may feel like is has been lost altogether – hidden behind a darkness that is too big for you to see past. This is a large part of the journey we go one when someone we love has died. It is the search to understand who we are now that they aren’t here, who we will become as we go forward, and how they will be a part of that.

Since he died, it seems I’ve done nothing but look for myself. In every word I write, every photo I take, every relationship I begin or end, every brave new thing I try… each of these informs me of who I am now. It is not who I was when he was alive – I cannot be that girl anymore. It is instead, who he is helping me to become. This is who I am always observing.

It’s a tireless trek to say the least. A messy, lost, wandering, humble journey. A balancing act – with one hand down to the darkness and one raised to the light. One to my pain and one to my joy. Both of these are within me – often fighting to exist at the same time. I try my best to create balance between them in order to heal. I am learning it’s equally important to allow the light to warm me, just as much as to allow for the pain to mask over me from time to time. And that sometimes, it is okay to allow both of those to wash over me all at once.

If you’re in the midst of a deep loss of your own, you may fear that you will never quite find yourself again. That you will never be able to see past the pain and see yourself again. I can tell you – from where I am today – that with time and gentle hands to balance yourself, you will find yourself again.

 

If you’re new to this project, you can read more about it in this post.
Please share
 with anyone who you feel can relate to the imagery, my hope is that it gives many others a visual for something they are going through in their own lives.

10 Comments Post a comment
  1. Claudia #

    <3 Beautiful!

    Monday, April 7, 2014
  2. Your beautiful photo is only equaled by your words. I am on the other side of that midst of a deep loss, and remember the loss of identity so well. Time is truly the only healer for pain like this. For some that time is longer than others but if given and taken what time is truly needed, you do eventually find a different you to be. Thank you for sharing this very private and emotional journey. Love.

    Monday, April 7, 2014
    • Oh Nita, what a wonderful compliment. Thank you so much for your encouragement and for sharing a bit of your own difficult journey. It’s not always easy to share this stuff (I often wonder “do people think I’m crazy?!” lol) so it sure does help to see people getting something out of it. Lots of love.

      Tuesday, April 8, 2014
  3. Speechless! xo

    Monday, April 7, 2014
  4. Eric Ligon #

    Sarah,

    I’m not sure how I stumbled upon your blog today. I had no idea you have been dealing with such pain and loss. My heart goes out to you, truly. I admire the honesty and vulnerability of your photography series.

    I hope you begin to heal from our pain. That pain can be the spark of creativity, but it is such a high price.

    Eric

    Tuesday, April 8, 2014
    • Eric, wow thank you so much. Your words mean a great deal to me. You are right, a high price to pay, but the gifts he’s given me through this journey have been important. I am determined to turn it all into something meaningful – and in that way – I think our journey together will never stop. Thank you again!

      Wednesday, April 9, 2014
  5. What a beautiful and real depiction. Both the visual and written translation.

    Wednesday, April 16, 2014
  6. Fantastic shot. I like your style!

    Friday, May 23, 2014

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